Why Are We Fat?

Researchers in an extensive study on obesity have revealed that there seems to be a direct correlation between how fat a person is and the number displayed after stepping onto a bathroom scale. The study, conducted by leading scientists at the University of Texas, has been running for the past decade on the causes and effects of obesity, when Dr. Charles Johnson Md. PhD made this shocking discovery. "I was just calibrating my chromatographer while electrostatically deionizing the biocapillary interfaces when I thought about why my wife consistently has a higher number on the scale than I do. And then I realized-its because she is just so fat." Immediately, Johnson raced to the laboratory to conduct experiments to confirm his theory, and proceeded to baffle the scientific community with his results. After testing thousands of participants Johnson has come up with this surprising idea that fat people weight more. When asked for an explanation for this phenomenon, Johnson distraughtly replied: "UFO's, the Bermuda Triangle, black hole-Obesity is one just another one of those things that we don't know anything about and probably never will understand." People across the nation frantically trying to prevent their own obesity look toward science for the answer. "We really don't have anything. For the past few years I personally have been practicing blood letting, and eating raw dog meat, but that is just me." Johnson is going to continue on his work to figure out more about obesity for the good of the people. Although not much is currently know, scientists encourage people in the meanwhile to take it easy by eating more and exercising less.