We all know the story of Cinderella. She was beautiful, smart, perfect, for gosh sakes- even animals followed her around to help her with her chores. Like in all Disney stories, this princess had to overcome a hinderance to get her man.. She didn't have to overcome an evil queen, be kissed by her true love to wake up, leap over the bounderies of race or class.. or beast, pretend to be a man, give away her voice.. no, none of that, that's for beginners. She had an evil, wicked, might I even say bitch of a step mother- you really can't get much worse. I'm assuming that most of you have seen this movie- it's a classic and did you ever once think, "Oh my God, I would just kill the woman!"
I don't know how many of you have experienced the joys of a step mother, but it is not at all fun. They steal all of your fathers attention, spend your college fund on endless amounts of clothes, and virtually make all the decisions while your doding father allows her to walk all over him and yourself.
Lets kill them.. kill them all.
Wouldn't that make life so much easier? Have you ever heard of anyone actually liking their step mother? No. No you have not. You've heard the horror stories though. Stereotypes of the wicked step mother have not created themselves. They really do lock you in your room when their PTA friends come over for a cup of coffee. They forget you at school, ignore your laundry, and buy you crap for Christmas. They make you scrub the floors, clean the bathroom, and clean up their oversized, newly installed walk in closet. They are the reason for your "Daddy Issues", why you're at military school, and the reason why you have to come home at midnight. Maybe if we just killed them all- they would quit coming around. You wouldn't have to deal with your father's blond bimbo girlfriends, buy them birthday gifts, or pretend to like them for sake of your dear ol' dad's heart.
Maybe these women would catch on.. "If I marry this man, there is a 95% chance that, that brat will kill me.. that house with the pool and 5 million dollars isn't worth anything to me if I'm dead.. I mean look at what happend to Sherry just last week" Then they wouldn't come around in the first place or maybe their very tiny, materialistic brains wouldn't allow for that logical thinking..
Either way- it would be a relatively simple process to carry out, I mean the woman never went to college.. she doesn't work, and she thinks that Teacup Yorkie is actually cute.. She can't have an IQ higher than a highschool cheerleader.. Put poison in her fancy, 5 dollar spring water or Jenny Craige meal, take the breaks out of that brand new Mustang.. hell, forget that you left your skateboard on the top step of the staircase.. Nobody would expect you, especially if you cry at the witch's funeral.
Note: I really don't hate my step mom , I just think it's a funny concept. I don't intend to kill me step mom anytime in the near future.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
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