Be Tolerant

I’m a lesbian.

Not really. But what if I was?

Would you treat me any differently?

I’m guessing that the majority of people in this room would say no.

Would you think of me any differently?

Most are not willing to admit it, but I think they would.

Homosexuality, in our society, is a “big deal”. It’s a “big deal” according to people in this room. Not only are they thought of as different (in a bad way), but they are treated as such. They aren’t allowed to marry. They aren’t allowed to adopt children in some states. They can’t be open about their orientation in our united armed forces.

Why?

Is it because we are unfamiliar with homosexuality and homophobic? Do our misguided stereotypes rule our opinions and decisions? Is it religious based? Why do we as a society feel like we can make decisions to limit the lives of those who may slightly deviate from the mean?

I think it’s a combination of these reasons, and they are all rooted in the fact that we don't truly understand sexuality; and we don't feel comfortable with it.

I’m sure a lot of people are sitting here thinking that this is an unfair generalization, and thinking that homosexuals, or bisexuals, or transgendered people, are treated the same way as heterosexuals. This may be true for individuals…but as a society as a whole, the United States is fairly discriminatory. And though people are often not openly hostile…people still, even subconsciously, think of homosexuality as a defining characteristic, and have preconceived ideas about a huge percentage of our population.

How do we deal?

First we would all have to learn what exactly, sexuality IS. Put your maturity caps on. As strange as it sounds, we are sexual people from birth until our death. Our sexuality is more than our orientation…it’s our biological sex, our gender, our gender identity…things that, sadly, we feel are embarrassing, are shameful…we are stoic and stubborn, close-minded and careful. We don’t truly know where it comes from, but we do know some things. It’s not a choice or a decision—people don’t “turn” gay, and they certainly don’t “choose” to be gay. It’s not a disease, either- it’s not “curable”, and it shouldn’t be. Homosexuals aren’t oversexed, or trying to “spread homosexuality”. The only difference between them is who their desires are directed towards. It’s just the way some people are…so what’s the problem? Why is it such a big deal? Why does anybody care?

The most obvious answers are tradition and religion. Often these coincide. And as true as it is that homosexuality is not a disease, it is equally true that everyone has their own rights to religious freedom and tolerance, and their own opinions.

But when somebody else’s freedom to believe infringes on the rights of another to live their lives, the lines get really fuzzy. How many opinions can we have over the lives of another, especially when the others are a group of people, not an individual we care and know about? Are we allowed to regulate their lives because we find something they do “morally offensive”?

In some cases, certainly; in this case, no. No, we do not. Because orientation has zero correlation to being a good person.

And from here we must all do a little bit of soul-searching.

Most everybody likes to think of themselves as progressive. Innovative, insightful, intelligent. Whether we are a maverick for change, or a beacon of hope, we think of ourselves as “right”…and we don’t look at ourselves. Whether we are stout against gay marriage, or fighting for equality, many people don’t really have true insight, unless one is homosexual, or has someone close to them who is. And when we don’t have true insight, we develop hypocritical ideas. We label them as jokes, or not important…but (as lame as it sounds), it just adds fuel to the fire. And they’re not all jokes, and they’re not “no big deal”…they are important. And they hurt. And they are wrong.

An estimated one in ten people identify as gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender/questioning. Some estimates are higher, and some are lower…but it doesn’t really matter. It could be fifty or it could be fifty million; they’re people. People just like anyone else. America prides itself as being a melting pot; the English, the Dutch, the Scandinavians and the French and the Germans, emigrated and formed a new population of the free and the brave. But melting…it’s a painful process. It seemed all the western Europeans blended and came out white Episcopalian. How long did it take to accept the Irish Catholics, who were treated like dirt when they came to form a better life? How long did it take to incorporate African Americans? To treat women with the same respect we gave men? Discrimination is nothing new; this isn’t the first, and it certainly won’t be the last. And we have definitely done a lot worse to the minority. But in order to move past discrimination, we have to be open about the issue. And once we are open, we can learn about it, and we can learn to tolerate it. We don’t have to love it, we don’t have to change our lives around, we don’t even have to associate with the people who are “different”…we just have GOT to let people be!

Marriage in the church is a religious matter…but marriage in the practical sense is solely a legal issue, and homosexuals should be guaranteed all the legal rights of any heterosexual. We have no right to stop love.

They should be allowed to adopt children, because orientation has nothing to do with being able to raise a child; it is far more important that the child is loved and wanted, which are problems far more common in heterosexual couples. And the parents aren’t going to “turn their kid gay”, because that is just not how sexuality works. It isn’t spread from person to person; you don’t catch it from being around someone who is gay. It’s not contagious because it’s not a disease; and though some of our sexuality, it is believed, may be learned…not like that. Having gay parents will do nothing to form your orientation; it may, in fact, just give you more insight.

Homosexuals should be allowed to serve in the United States Armed Forces and be open about their orientation, because everyone should be able to serve their country they care about- but they shouldn’t have to behave any differently than heterosexuals when it comes to talking about their orientation. There are objections about “sexual tensions” if members were openly gay, and worries that this would interfere with activities. But which is worse: discriminating against people because of something they have no choice in, or stopping them because of “sexual tensions” that may or may not exist?

We, as a country, have inflicted discrimination time and time again. But we have to keep moving forward. We are a country of freedom and liberty, and we should be a country of respect and tolerance. Integrity. Compassion. And we have to keep working. Because everybody deserves to feel comfortable and honest with whom they are. And everybody has the right to love.