Speech

Speech- 
Life is full of secrets. No matter how old you get, there will always be secrets that you will never find out. When you're a little kid, the world is huge. Full of endless possibilities and mysteries. You never know what to expect. But there's always that hidden secret that you're never allowed to get to. For toddlers, it's mostly little stuff that a toddler honestly shouldn't have his hands on anyways. The curling iron. The shiny fun things in the kitchen drawers that mom says I can't play with. Those little red little candies in the white bottle that daddy eats whenever his head hurts. 
 
Then we get older. We start to develop those mysteries into questions. Why aren't boys allowed to wear make-up? Do moms have cooties, or do they not count since they're not really girls? What are those nasty looking thing all over brothers face? And that's okay. It's good to have questions. Questions show that you have an active mind. Usually. There are the darker side of questions. There are questions that show you have the unique brand of insepid idiocy characteristic of most mosquitoes. You keep coming back with these remarkably obtuse questions until finally, someone smears your innards with the wet slap of humiliation. But there is another type of question that should never be asked. Not because it's a stupid question, but rather because it would be stupid to answer you because of your age. 

And then you reach your teenage years, and those questions can be answered. Even if you never even thought of the question, its gonna get answered. Be it your parents, the guys in the locker room, the creepy guy that makes cat noises at you in the hallways, those questions WILL get answered.
 
I remember when I turned thirteen, the very next day, it was the day after christmas. I'm in my room playing with my new lightsaber. As in, I'm hitting my brother repeatedly with his own lightsaber while he cries and screams and whines for me to give it back to him. My dad yells to me from the other room and says to grab the hammer and come to the kitchen. Of course, I'm considerably freaked out. I mean I'm beating on my brother with a lightsaber, so I'm assuming my dad, who is all about fitting punishments, is going to use said hammer to beat me. Well I get the hammer and walk into the kitchen only to realize that it was worse than I thought. He wanted to give me a talk. He didn't even want the hammer. It was like, "Happy Birthday! Now let's talk about sex." So I sit there for like ten-fifteen minutes wishing he would've just broken my fingers with the hammer instead of putting me through that awkward form of punishment. I was thinking, "heck, give me the hammer, I'll smash my own head in. Then we'll see you try to give me a talk.
 
But honestly, I have to say that I consider myself lucky. I had the kind of parents that sat me down and told me what I would get into BEFORE I got into it. All too often nowadays, sex has become a taboo between parents and their teens. The parents have, actually become afraid to talk to their own children about how they were even made! Did you know there are literally CD's, websites, hotlines, blogs, DVD's, magazines, even entire books, all about how to talk to your kid about sex. Am I the only one that thinks that's a little sad?
 
All right. So Brett and I are walking through the forest. Brett notices that, hey, will about to step on a poisonous snake's tail. Unfortunately, Brett never thought to tell poor Will what a snake is. So naïve little Will continues walking only to step directly onto the snakes tail, which, of course, bites me, injecting it's fluids into me, which then proceed to royally screw my body to kingdom come until I finally die because of the fact that I can't stand the pain any longer. I just have to give in. I can't fight it, nothing besides that pain exists, before finally I collapse before the one that did this to me. Which, by the way, is exactly what will happen the girl if you have sex without a condom. So there, if your parents never gave you the talk, tell your parents to grow a spinal cord, then tell them I said "You're welcome."
Thank you.