Stop that crying!

Think back to the last time you cried. It stank, right? Whether you were crying over a lost loved one, a broken heart, or because your puppy ran away, it still was awful. Now imagine a world free of pain, free of tears. There have been many proposals circulating around to make the world a better place. Sure, it would be great if poverty and disease were eradicated, but will any of that actually make everyone in the whole world happier? The answer is no. The only way to fix everyone’s emotional pain is to enforce a strict policy that all people must have lobotomies at birth. About one in four adults suffers from a diagnosable mental illness each year. But, four in four people will experience unpleasant emotions multiple times a year, adding up to millions upon millions of moments of unhappiness. We wouldn’t have this problem if everyone were lobotomized. Suicide rates would decline from astronomical rates to virtually zero. If only Romeo had a lobotomy, he could have lived. If only Vincent Van Gogh had a lobotomy, he could have lived and the world could have enjoyed his paintings for many more years. If only Ernest Hemmingway had a lobotomy, he could have lived and shared his works for years to come. The risk of losing future lives to suicide and the emotional tax of mental illness and unhappiness is too great to put off this policy any more. It is absolutely necessary for lobotomies to be required for all people to avoid these immense costs to society.