Rae Staben described in the rip-off style of someone who has recently read too much Kurt Vonnegut.

Due to Brett Walles, I only sit next to one person. And that is Rae Staben.

In middle school, we were friends in our Algebra II class. I liked how she wrote my name, with the swirls. Before that, we would sometimes stand next to each other to wait for our car ride home, since my ride never seemed to be on time.

Now, my entire family calls her Rae-Rae. We have movie nights, and go Goodwill shopping, and come up with fake embarrassing stories to send into Seventeen.

And sit next to each other in English.

Sometime in 9th grade, Rae-Rae and I came up with the idea that I wanted to be her. She was my icon of perfection; a far-away vision I could never be. This was mostly based in a joke.

Two weeks ago, she asked me to describe her in 3 words. She did this for me, so I thought it was only fair to reciprocate the description. Unfortunately, I didn’t get very far. The only word I could come up with was “blossom.” Not “blossoming.” Just “blossom.” Rae doesn’t need adjectives to describe her; she could use nouns, or verbs, or even interjections. I think it takes a specific sort of person to be able to do this.

If she was a color, she would be peach. Or possibly a sky blue; the robin egg’s blue Crayola. Or red. I’m not really sure. Rae is one of those people, unlike Greg and Mr. Logsdon and Anna, who are very difficult to describe in a color. Like I said, Rae doesn’t need adjectives.
On the other hand, Rae is very easy to describe as an animal. She would either be an angel fish or a flamingo.

Rae is a Montessori kid. I once told her that “that explained it.” I think she resents it.

I wish everybody knew that Rae used to be first chair oboe in Morton’s band. She used to tell me the oboe sounded like a cross between a dying goose and a donkey, or something like that. Some animal was dying. I don’t think she liked it much.

Also, Rae says “crayon” like “craaaaan.” I just thought of that when we were discussing red and robin eggs. I've heard that she also says "Daschund" funny, though I have yet to hear her say it.

Rae has green eyes, which is very special.

I’m not sure Rae knows exactly what she will be when she grows up. Unfortunately, neither do I. Whatever it will be, it will not be boring. After all of our hours at Planned Parenthood, I have learned a few things. The first and most obvious is that Rae’s maturity level ranks in at least the top 10%. The second is that she has the true desire to help people less fortunate than herself, simply because it is the right thing to do. I do not think Rae works like that because she is young and naïve; I think that that is simply how she is wired.

The third thing about Rae is that she has a fabulous sense of humor. The hardest I’ve ever laughed is with Rae, making posters for a club she wanted to make up. The hardest I’ve had to try to not laugh is also with Rae, when she pretended that a speculum was an alligator right in front of some Planned Parenthood women.