Beth sits on my left side

In English, I sit next to Beth (and Brett, but this is about Beth, not Brett). Beth and I went to Morton together, and I’ve known her since sixth grade. We both somehow ended up in Mr. Lynem’s art class the first semester of 6th grade. That guy terrified me – he insisted that under his watch, art would be a heavy-duty academic subject. My first really clear memory of Beth is when she aced his final exam. He told us that nobody had ever gotten an A on it before, until Beth. Still, that wasn’t when we became friends.

We always semi-knew each other, but we became real friends in 8th grade algebra 2. With Ms. Owens. And birthday celebrations that become increasingly elaborate. And tests that we got about 12 days on so we could get a perfect score. Everybody unofficially paired up, and Beth was my Algebra 2 Buddy. Anyway, that’s why we are friends. Beth is still smidden (smitten) with Mordon (Morton) and all of our fun times there.

This blog is totally a question that Beth would ask. I went to the fair last summer with Greg, Kylah, and John. Greg hadn’t seen Beth in a long time, and he missed her a lot, so he made up what she would say if she were there. One of the things Beth would have asked is what color she would be. If I’m remembering it correctly, Greg told imaginary Beth that she would be orange.

But I decided today that I get more of a rosy vibe from Beth. Not like the noxious, pepto pink color that all little girls seem to crave, but kind of a dusty rose.

First, Beth has a “rosy” outlook on life. I think it would be hard to find someone who believes more than Beth that people are good. I really admire her for that. People are to harsh and suspicious most of the time, but Beth sees the great parts of everybody.

Rose is also a warm color, and one that makes you feel at home. Beth is someone with the rare quality of instantly making people feel at ease. I know that I could tell her anything, and she would help me. Also, the Hansen house is one of the homiest places in the world. The Hansens are so nice and inviting, and their house is filled with bright, beautiful colors.

Rose is also a classic, lovely shade. Beth is beautiful, but without trying to be. In three words, she is youthful, effulgent, and charitable. Effulgent means radiant, but I think it sounds prettier. When you only have 3 words, you have to make them the best!

Finally, I want everybody to know these things about Beth:
1. She has a twin. And twin siblings. And twin dogs.
2. Her family has the best rolls, which they make themselves.
3. Beth also used the speculum at Planned Parenthood to make quaking noises, because it undeniably looks like a duckbill.
4. She loves South Park and Arrested Development.
5. She was a lumberjack for Halloween. The costume basically involved her looking like herself.
6. Her closet is full of dance clothes and tutus.
7. People, but mainly Greg, have made her a gazillion mix tapes.
8. When you listen to Crosby, Stills, and Nash, you should think about the Hansen house.
9. Her pinkies are permanently crooked.
10. Anna would be yellow if she were a color, in case you were wondering.