Matthew R. Powell on Homework

Homework is the leftovers from that day's casserole. Homework is what you don't want to do, your teacher doesn't want to grade, but your dog wants to eat. Homework is what you do at school 5-30 minutes before it is due. Homework is the gum that your teacher finds on the sidewalk and makes you eat if you don't want points deducted. Homework gives you something to complain about in the time between when it was assigned and when it is due. Sunday night was created to give you time to do your weekend homework. Homework keeps lumberjacks in business by destroying thousands of acres of beautiful Canadian forests. Homework is chores that you have to do that don't get you $15 dollars at the end of the week. Homework is what you worry about and don't do until the last minute. Homework was created to keep you from smoking, drinking, and gambling until you're the right age. Homework is meant to prepare you for the real world, where your knowledge of definite integrals and didactic sentences could be critical to your well-being. Homework tries to engage your brain at a time when your body is telling you to eat a hot pocket and pass out in front of the TV. Homework is what is assigned by your teachers to make sure that you don't get the good sleep that your teachers advise you get.